Limbo...

So for the last week or so, I have not been able to paint and it's beginning to drive me insane!  I have an upcoming show on February 4th, so I have a lot of work to do.  I've already decided how I want my show to look, but I'm really worried about the timing.  The painting I am working on right now has been in progress for nearly 4 months now, yet I still have another month's worth of hard work left to do.  I don't know why it's taking so long, regardless of how meticulous my process is.  This painting is 5 1/2 feet by 8 1/2 feet.  I have another painting that's the same size that Im planning on putting in the show as well.  There's just one problem... I have a 15 foot (ish) long wall to fill that only has a celing height of 6 feet.  SIX FEET!  .... So I have to make some smaller works to fill that, but I don't feel right about it.

I don't like working small.  If I work small, I work tiny, nearly microscopically, yet I feel such a need to have purpose for the size of each work.  I wont do something small just because it needs to fill that space.... I have to find the right peice to do at that size....  but what?

So I've been sitting here in my  near-empty apartment in Limbo, just waiting to be able to get into my new place so that I can set up my supplies and just go to town.  I want to bust out this painting like it's going out of style, then find the right peice or peices to do to fill the low-ceiling-area.  I want to do a specific peice next, but I have to do it 5 or 6 feet tall at least...  argh.

This upcoming show will be the first show in which I will begin to exhibit my series called "Catharsis".  Catharsis is the release of built up emotions in a theraputic way.  My work deals with the various aspects of life with a mental illness, in a hyperrealistically expressionistic metaphorical... something.  I'm not sure what to call it, but it's the most intimate work I've ever done, and I feel it's necessary for me to do for my own mental health, as well as to educate the world about the way the world is experienced by people with a mental illness.  Also it will hopefully allow others who share my  illness or experiences to feel a kin with my work.  Like Im speaking out for not only me, but for us all. 

Until then I wait.  Wait for a studio.  Wait for the rythm and accomplishment of a day's work on canvas.  And wait for the right inspiration of how to fill this show.  It will be a good one, though.  Always have faith, and always have it in yourself.